To Train and Adore
The Beauty of Daily Family Worship
Catherine and I worship together every morning except Sunday, and Saturdays are pretty loosey-goosey, usually with some form of prayer, Scripture, and/or singing. We do what’s called “Morning Prayer” out of the Book of Common Prayer. If you do the whole thing, it takes you through a prayer of confession, Scripture readings, canticles (songs out of Scripture), hymns, and prayers of intercession and thanksgiving. It usually takes us about an hour, and we normally start at 6 a.m. That hour with Catherine, my favorite person, before God, my Maker and the Lover of my soul, is probably my favorite time of the day.
It’s not unusual that we chat a little between things, sometimes suddenly remembering a weird or funny dream we had, sometimes thinking to communicate something we’ve been meaning to tell the other, and many other “distractions” from worship. We will also share about things that struck us in the Scripture readings, or confess that we haven’t been paying attention, and then we verbally commit to refocusing. We sit on pillows on top of an exercise mat in front of a big window in our living room, and we take occasional short breaks to get water, go to the bathroom, or whatever. I say this all to give you a picture. There’s a formal structure that keeps us moving through prayer, singing, and Scripture, but we also do it in a way that’s personal and relatively relaxed. I love it. That time is holy. I make coffee that I really like and sip on it throughout. These days, I’ve even been roasting my own coffee beans, and that’s increased the enjoyment and value of the coffee drinking experience.
Of course, welcoming children into our life has affected our practice and experience of morning worship. We always welcome our foster son to come sit with us and wake up while we worship. We encourage him to worship with us, and we teach him little bits that he can say with us. For instance, at one point, before praying the Lord’s Prayer, we chant “Lord, have mercy upon us. Christ, have mercy upon us. Lord, have mercy upon us.” I chant each line, and anyone else present is supposed to repeat that line back to me. Well, our foster son seems to really enjoy chiming in on that part. We’ll even hear him singing it to himself throughout the day as he’s playing with toys. It’s absolutely beautiful. Children are naturally musical, and they are designed to be worshipers.
One of my favorite things in having a little boy worship with us is the cuddles. When he first wakes up, he just wants to be close and quiet. I’m always a bit conflicted here, because I see morning worship as a great place to train him on how to behave when we gather with the church for corporate worship on Sundays. While I agree with many that it’s natural for a 6-year-old boy to be energetic, distractible, and constantly moving, I am also clear that it’s our job, and especially mine as the father, to teach him how to control himself: his body, his emotions, his speech, etc. It’s important that he learn to be still and quiet, both for his own sake and for others’, in worship.
At the same time, I want him to want to worship. I don’t want him to associate worship only with discipline: correction and self-denial. Family worship is the perfect place for him to experience that worship is a place for deep connection with God and with Catherine and me. I want him to see and feel me enjoying worship, to see me being affectionate with Catherine, to feel warmth from me while we’re focusing on God. And so, I try to do both. I encourage him to sit up, to sing with us, and to not do or say distracting things. I also let some things slide, entertain the occasional random question, rub his back and hug him while we worship. This morning, he sat really pretty still for about 5 minutes, and even chanted a part of the Gloria Patri with us, before I let him go play quietly behind us. I don’t mean to paint our approach as perfect. It surely isn’t. Yet, there is much that I find beautiful about trying to both train and adore him at the same time.
We are teaching him to worship one step, one day, at a time.
One morning this week, our 6-year-old foster son woke up, as he often does, while we were worshiping. He was cuddly, immediately lying on “Auntie’s” (Catherine’s) lap. (I’m always a little bit jealous when she gets the cuddles). I was starting to think about having him sit up. I was enjoying my coffee. I’d roasted the beans, hand-ground them, made them in a French Press, and was sipping it happily while we read scriptures together. Our boy was getting increasingly antsy. The longer he waits, the more his body seems to resent any perceived shackles on his movement. Auntie and I were starting to get stressed as his stretches got more frequent, his yawns more obnoxious, and right when I was about to draw the line and subdue him, he shot out his leg and put his foot in my coffee and kicked it over.
In the moment, I was not okay. I was supremely angry. I’m usually a big fan of making him clean up whatever messes he makes. In this case, my whole inward effort was to control my anger and not lash out. I walked out of the room to get something to clean it up with. As I mopped it up, he initiated with a fairly decent “sorry.” That didn’t stop me from a small (probably useless) lecture, but I did assure him that I forgave him. Of course, now, the moment is pretty funny. I mean, we were asking for it, right? Having drinks right next to us with a little boy after he’s just woken up is like bringing the china to the elephant. It’s also just the perfect way to call me back from any form of idolatry I may be flirting with in my coffee hobby. More importantly, welcoming an undisciplined child into a disciplined atmosphere is asking for some level of frustration. It requires flexibility and good humor as we teach him, day by day, step by step, how to be reverent and still before a holy God. And praise the Lord, He has been patient with me in all of my wily, unkempt ways over the years. He is teaching me, day by day, step by step, to worship Him more perfectly.